Student Summary/Analysis example take 2--More on Transitions

To transition means to "cross over." Transitions can take lots of time, but I hope I have no mystified them. Transitions should flow easily if the paragraphs are in the "right" order. Transitions are mostly about signalling to the reader where you have been and where you are going. As writers, it is our responsibility to "signal" to readers.

An example (from the previous student example):

In addition to body language, Kanye West’s choice of words to describe himself and to address his critics highlights his egocentric personality. West admits that he “embodies every characteristic of the egotistic,” and in the chorus, he refers to himself as a “21^st century schizoid man.” Schizoid, according to the Cleveland Clinic, is a type of personality disorder characterized by aloofness and detachment from others, little desire or enjoyment for close relationships, “difficulty relating to others, indifference towards praise or criticism, and daydreams or vivid fantasies about complex inner lives.” These characteristics may well describe Kanye West, but it is the deliberate insertion of the phrases “embodies every characteristic of the egotistic” and “21^st century schizoid man” that one realizes that West is fully aware of his arrogant, self-centered personality. This awareness empowers him to ward off any form of criticism hurled at him.

 

The above paragraph deals with the concept of "schizoid." A part of 'schizoid' is an "indifference to praise and criticisms." The writer makes the claim that Kanye West is aware of this condition (because he is referring to himself as the "21st Century Schizoid Man") and argues that this awareness (from the previous sentence) empowers him to ward off criticism. 

 

The below paragraph, then, deals with this "criticism." The topic sentence does not directly say "criticism," but describes criticism: "In the music business, great power draws greater scrutiny from the media and the public." If we wanted to maybe connect these two paragraphs even further, we could start with the word criticism: "Criticism from the media and the public at large is a common phenomenon in the media and the public." This both makes it clear how it connects to the previous paragraph, as well as tells us what the writer will discuss in the next paragraph.  

 

 

              In the music business, great power draws greater scrutiny from the media and the public. As Kanye West points out in his lyrics, many of his critics believe that West is an “abomination of Obama’s nation” or a hated figure in present-day American society.  While such a comment may have at first offended West, West simply shrugs it off and reminds critics that “at the end of the day goddamn it he is killin’ [it]/[he] knows damn well [his critics and supporters] are feelin’ [it].” In other words, despite people’s abhorrence toward him, he continues to excel in both album sales and song charts. His music still resonates with people, and based on his prolonged success in record sales and on billboard charts, people continue to value his music, which is what matters to him most.    


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A less "powerful" transition, because there is not as much connection on a "thematic" level, comes from the same paper:


. . .West deliberately positions these Athenian female characters below him to indicate that women are inferior to him. Throughout the entire video, West stares straight ahead

at the viewer, paying no attention to the characters surrounding him; by doing so, West insinuates that his focus is on his career and that he will not let anyone keep him from attaining and maintaining success in the music industry. 

 

The previous paragraph is mostly "summary," but focuses primarily on body language to show West's opinion of his own position. The next paragraph begins with a simple "cue" to the reader that they are moving on to another point: "In addition to body language. . .etc." We are to assume that body language also "highlights his egocentric personality" (which is less explicitly said in the previous paragraph, but his clearly implied-- "by doing so, West insinuates that his focus is on his career," etc.). Still, the "in addition to body language" signals to the reader that this is another "aspect" that highlights the same thing. Consider how there is a difference between that and merely saying "Also, Kanye West's choice of words." This is still acceptable, but the reader is not reminded of the previous point, which makes it seem as though this is a tacked on point, a "by the way, I also noticed this." 

 

In addition to body language, Kanye West’s choice of words to describe himself and to address his critics highlights his egocentric personality. West admits that he “embodies every characteristic of the egotistic,” and in the chorus, he refers to himself as a “21^st century schizoid man.”

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I hope these two close-readings of transitions helped you understand what I am looking for.